Are You Giving or Exchanging?: The True Meaning of Christmas

It was Christmas evening. The house was alive with laughter and warmth as my sister Mary and my mom Lucy sang Silent Night at the top of their lungs. My dad was carefully arranging the gifts under the tree, getting ready for our family’s cherished tradition of exchanging presents.

This was the moment we all looked forward to—the unveiling of what new item would be added to our collection of belongings. It wasn’t just about giving; it was about showing—showing how thoughtful you were, how much money and effort you had put into your gift. It was the kind of tradition where, when the day was over, everyone would reflect on who gave the best, the most thoughtful, or the most exciting gift. The pressure to participate in this silent competition was palpable.

Everyone, that is, except my brother Andrew.

Andrew had been clear for weeks—he didn’t want any gifts this Christmas. For him, the holiday was about being with family, savoring the moments that reminded us of our childhood, when Christmas was simpler. He wanted nothing more than to enjoy mom’s cooking, drink whatever beverages were on hand, and laugh together as we had as kids. “That’s Christmas,” he would said, over and over.

When the time came to distribute gifts, Mary started the round, handing out neatly wrapped packages with excitement and flair. The tradition carried on, gift after gift, until it was Andrew’s turn. He stood up, hands empty, and said, “I told you all, I didn’t want any gifts. I am just happy to be here. I only have something for my nephews and nieces.”

Mary, visibly annoyed, blurted out, “But it’s Christmas! I haven’t gotten anything from you.”

Andrew looked at her calmly and asked, “Mary, why are you upset that I didn’t bring you a gift? Were you expecting me to give you something?”

“Yes,” she admitted, still fuming.

“Then,” Andrew replied, “it wasn’t about giving, was it? It was about exchanging.”

The room fell silent. Andrew’s words lingered, cutting through the holiday cheer with a sobering truth. He was right. When we give during the holiday season, are we truly giving—an act of selflessness, with no expectation of return—or are we merely exchanging, keeping score and matching efforts?

True giving doesn’t require reciprocity; it is an act of love, pure and simple. But when we give with the expectation of receiving something in return, it becomes a transaction—an exchange that strips the act of its purpose and meaning.

That moment stayed with me, and it reshaped how I think about giving. As you shop for gifts this holiday season, ask yourself: Are you giving with love, or are you simply fulfilling an expectation? Consider putting more thought into the act of giving—buying or making something not based on what you think you will receive in return, but out of genuine care. And if you don’t have a gift to give, remember that your presence, your time, and your love are the greatest gifts of all.

So, when was the last time you gave something without expecting anything in return? Was it a gift, your time, or simply a moment of your presence? How did it feel to give purely out of love or care?

What does giving mean to you? Have you experienced moments where the act of giving was transformative for you or someone else? I would love to hear your stories! How do you plan to make this holiday season more about love and connection rather than expectations?

Please feel free to share in the comments below. Your stories and reflections enrich this community, and I am truly grateful for each one of you. Let’s inspire each other to give more meaningfully this season.