Evolving Self
When God Allows What He Does Not Will
Finding Peace in the Space Between His Heart and His Permission A child
“We do not learn from experience… we learn from reflecting on experience.”
— John Dewey
Have you ever been sure you had closed a chapter in your life… only to find yourself walking back into it? Not out of failure. Not because you weren’t strong enough to move on. But as if life gently tapped you on the shoulder and said, “We are not done here.”
That is how I felt recently, sitting quietly on my couch, reflecting on my life’s direction. Years ago, I left Virginia. I moved to West Virginia for a PhD program, certain that part of my journey in Virginia was complete. If you had asked me where I would end up after graduation, Virginia wouldn’t have even made the list. I believed I had no unfinished business there, no connections, no opportunities, no purpose. But here I am again. Back in Virginia. Not because I failed. Not because I planned to return. But because life, unexpectedly, yet purposefully, brought me back.
At first, it felt like a coincidence. But the more I thought about it, the more it felt like something deeper, like life was trying to say, “Look closer.” What other patterns in my life have I missed? What other signs have I ignored, thinking they were noise, not realizing they were a map?
We all have them, patterns. They show up in the choices we make, the people we attract, the jobs we take, and the environments we return to again and again. Sometimes we call it bad luck or ask, “Why does this keep happening to me?” But what if it is not life working against us? What if it is life trying to get our attention?
A friend once told me, “Every person I have ever dated is a version of the last one.” She laughed, but there was pain underneath it. Without realizing it, she had kept choosing charm over character, attention over presence, and the outcome was always the same: heartbreak with a different name.
Most of us think in terms of events: what happened, who did what, where we ended up. But underneath those events lie patterns, subtle and recurring rhythms that shape our relationships, decisions, and sense of direction. We may change cities, jobs, or partners, but if we never pause to examine our inner defaults, we often find ourselves facing the same struggles in different settings.
Consider how many people find themselves in relationships with the same type of person, over and over again. The names and faces change, but the outcomes feel eerily familiar: disappointment, miscommunication, emotional exhaustion. Or think about jobs, the ones that look promising in the beginning, only to turn out draining, unsupportive, or misaligned with who we are. These repetitions aren’t random. They are often the result of unexamined choices and the beliefs we have internalized about what we deserve, what is familiar, or what we have normalized as “just the way things are.”
The same applies to how we choose our leaders, how we handle money, how we react under stress, and even the environments we place ourselves in. Without careful reflection, we risk mistaking patterns for fate, when in fact, they are just habits in disguise.
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“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
— Carl Jung
Patterns are life’s way of teaching us, and they often show up right before a breakthrough or another breakdown.
Some patterns are obvious, like stress, conflict, or anxiety. Others are quieter, a sense of unease, a persistent irritation, or the nagging feeling of déjà vu. Either way, they are signals, nudges, or life’s way of whispering, “Look again.”
Maybe you always end up exhausted in your relationships. Maybe every career change feels like you are still doing work that drains you. Maybe you always say ‘yes’ when you mean ‘no.’ Or trust too quickly. Or avoid hard conversations. These are not random. They are patterns, personal, spiritual, emotional, and they are asking for attention.
The hardest patterns to break are not the ones we hate; they are the ones we don’t even notice. They are embedded in our daily lives: in the way we speak to ourselves when we fail, in how quickly we say yes when we want to say no, in the excuses we make for why we keep choosing the same things, expecting different results. They are the ones we have normalized. In the speed at which we silence our intuition. In the comfort of habits that no longer serve us but still feel familiar.
Some patterns are rooted in fear: fear of change, fear of rejection, of not being enough, fear of the unknown. Others are rooted in pride, guilt, or an outdated version of ourselves that we have never taken time to update. But once we recognize them, really see them, we reclaim something powerful: the freedom to choose again, the opportunity to choose differently.
And that is when growth begins. Not in dramatic overhauls, but in the quiet decision to notice the pattern, ask a better question, and change the direction of the next step.
Patterns are not curses. They are clues.
Some are preparing us for something good. Others are warnings.
Either way, the key is to name them. And ask: “Where does this usually lead?”
That is how we change the course.
That is how we build a better story.
We can’t always predict the future. However, we can better understand our direction by examining our decisions. And when we pause to notice the pattern, we are no longer bound by it; we are empowered by it.
It is important to note that not all patterns are destructive. Some are beautiful. Maybe you have noticed that you thrive when you are around certain kinds of people, those who speak life into you, challenge you, and remind you of your worth. Maybe your best ideas always come after a long walk or a slow morning. These, too, are patterns, and they deserve attention so you can nourish and repeat them intentionally.
The goal isn’t to erase all repetition; it is to become conscious of what you are repeating, and why. Are your current patterns leading to peace or anxiety? Joy, or regret? Growth, or stagnation? The direction of your life will often follow the rhythm of your choices, and your choices will almost always echo your patterns.
Every pattern has its signals, moments, sensations, and choices that precede the outcome. Maybe it is the feeling of anxiety before agreeing to something you don’t want to do. Maybe it is the early warning signs in a relationship that you have ignored in the past. Maybe it is the way a job offer looks shiny on the outside but feels off in your gut. These are the moments that matter.
When we slow down and pay attention to those early cues, we give ourselves the power to interrupt the cycle. It doesn’t mean life becomes perfect. It means we become more prepared, more intentional, and more resilient. We learn to trust what we have learned and apply it before it is too late.
“The unexamined life is not worth living.” — Socrates
“When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.” — Tuli Kupferberg
What has life been trying to teach you through repetition? Where are you being invited to look again, think again, or choose differently? The beauty of self-awareness is that it allows us to reclaim what we once gave away too easily, our power to decide, to change, to grow.
Your patterns are not your destiny; they are invitations. What you do with them is where the story changes.
Think of a situation in your life right now where you feel stuck or uncertain. Ask yourself:
Have I been here before, in some form or another?
What was the outcome last time?
What signs am I seeing that I didn’t see clearly before?
What small decision could change this trajectory?
Write it down. Speak it out loud. Or share it with someone you trust. The act of noticing is the first act of transformation.
If this reflection touched something inside you, I invite you to share it with someone who may be caught in a pattern and needs a new perspective. You never know how one story can spark another.
And if you have recently broken a cycle or discovered one worth keeping, I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment or reply. Your story might be the mirror someone else needs.
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Let’s continue becoming, not just different, but wiser.
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